Say Something

In June I began dating someone named Sam, and in January we broke up. The breakup was quite messy and angry; full of shouting, a few broken glasses that were aimed at my head and a broken table that I flipped over and threw at a wall. It was a very angry fight between us. I know it was my fault, at times I was a horrible boyfriend, not only that but a horrible person in general. Near the end I got angry easily, lost patience often and didn't show sympathy, and for the most part she was nothing but sweet.

In the beginning though, it was pretty great. We met through mutual friends, we went to the movies and got some drinks after and she was there. She was pretty and liked to talk, not one-on-one when there was a group around though, she told stories and smiled a lot. She was halfway through her very funny story about the frozen yogurt guy at the mall when she looked at me and gave a big smile with her teeth and I just kind of smirked back and sipped my beer until she looked away and I asked my friend next to me what her name was and what he knew about her. The next time she looked towards me her story was finished and she smiled at me anyways so I sort of smiled back and raised an eyebrow and surprisingly it made her smile more so I got up and introduced myself to her we talked a bit and exchanged numbers. We went on a few dates she was talkative but that is okay because I spoke a little less and her stories made me smile. I told her a little about the places I have traveled and she told me all about her perfectly normal yet perfectly interesting life. We started seeing each other a lot more by August and she quickly learned about my brother, Paul, and my sister-in-law as well as my now 8 month old nephews Sebastian and Philip. I also told her about my dad and that my mom passed away while I was in high school but told her little else. She never pushed for much information and just assumed that was the tragedy of my life. I met her parents and her younger siblings and they seemed to like me. By October I told her that I loved her and she reciprocated. 
 
Soon after she saw the scar on my stomach that I have from surgery after the car accident I was in but I told her that I didn't want to talk about it. I should have realized that at some point someone who knew my story would tell her about it. In November she grabbed coffee with someone who I barely know but apparently she knows everything about me. Somehow it came up that I have weird scars and that I keep quite about my mom. The girl told her everything. My mom struggled with cancer for a few years when I was young, then in high school I was in a car accident with my friends and my two best friends and girlfriend, Hannah, died instantly, that I ruined both knees and nearly died from internal bleeding, that my mom's cancer came back when I was about to graduate high school and she died within months and that I tried to kill myself and my father found me in the shower cold and covered in my own blood.  She came to visit me that night and she wanted to talk to me about it all but I got angry with her and she got angry with me and I think that is when I knew that it was only a matter of time. 

Every time she looked at me afterward it felt like she was pitying me. I worked on an assignment and exhaled deeply and ran my hands through my hair because I was fed up with it (I study business now) and she would walk over and and look at me as though I was so broken. Instead of telling her, I got angry with her. In January she asked me if I still loved Hannah, so I told her it was a long time ago and that is how our last fight started.