When I was younger, maybe four or five, I was scared of the dark like a lot of little kids were. I was afraid because I lost the sense that I relied on the most. Because I couldn't see what was out there, my imagination went wild. I feared monsters and robbers, and the fear paralyzed me.
Jump forward thirteen, fourteen years, my imagination isn't the source of my fears anymore. When I was four, I had no real experiences. I didn't know what I should really be afraid of because nothing represented anything bad. So I made up fears, I thought that the dark would bring horrible things, I thought that if my parents left they might not come back. My imagination made me fear things.
My fear is from experience now. I hate hospitals, I'm afraid of getting into cars, I am afraid of lights. Not lights in a house, not lights that you string on your roof at Christmas, but single bright white lights. Sitting in the dentist chair and they shine the light to see your teeth. Flashlights. When a car drives down the road and even their daytime running lights are on even that creeps me out. Driving down the road in the dark is the worst. I hate it.
I remember this one thing every time I see a bright light.
Even the most horrible events can be beautiful. I swear the trucks lights were on. The truck that hit the van. The truck that murdered Hannah. It feels wrong saying this but the moment when the world stopped spinning just a half second before the crash, when hell opened up, I saw something beautiful.
There she was just waiting for the deadly impact looking nervous yet calm even though it seemed like she knew it was going to happen. The trucks headlights gave her back light that lit up her hair and made her face look like it was shining. She was beautiful. She was about to meet Jesus, why wouldn't she be lit up and shining?
I don't know what to do with this memory. It is horrible and wonderful all mixed in one.
May They Rest In Peace.
William, I have a question. I have to write a speech for an English class, and my topic is going to be about beauty in death. This post kind of served as some of the inspiration. I loved it a lot. And so, I was wondering if you would allow me to quote some of this post in my speech? If not, I totally understand. But if yes, I would be really grateful. Thanks!
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