Blame

Two thoughts today folks

There is something that I really have to say.  It embarrasses me because it is so horrible.  You had been a best friend.  Before you died, and before you killed Hannah and Evan.  I don't want to, but for some reason I blame you. You invited us to Your cottage. You were the one driving Your van, and You were the one who fell asleep at the wheel.  It is because you fell asleep that Hannah and Evan are dead.  It's your fault that Mike switched schools.  It is your fault my knee was ruined. And it is your fault that you are dead.  And I am putting this so bluntly but I just need to acknowledge the thought, because now it might go away. 

It's not fair, the three of you are sitting in heaven together laughing at jokes and visiting Jesus.  I am here, me and family visiting my sickly mother.  I was lucky to still be alive. Perspective.

I miss everyone who was close to me who has died.  I miss them so much it hurts and makes me angry and aggravated.  But you don't hurt in heaven, you aren't angry or aggravated.  So, do they even miss me back.  Or do they get to be perfectly happy in their new perfect world?