Words.

To be perfectly honest, a lot of things have lost their meaning to me.  A lot of really amazing things, that I used to love and that I should still love mean nothing.  I've been told that it is typical to lose motivation and that with time I'd start to gain interest in things again.  

This was the summer that I was allowed to try playing soccer again and I was so ready to play again.  Maybe part of it is the weather that has been happening here.  Most of the USA and Canada are under huge heat waves of temperatures that are more than doubling the temperature here but I don't go outside much anyways right now.  I used to like to swim and I used to like going to my cottage but now it doesn't seem to matter. 

Most of all I have lost the desire for words.  I used to use them in writing and singing and of course talking but now it doesn't seem to do anything.  It doesn't send a spark, or evoke any deep emotion.  People say that they escape into music when things happen to their lives but music is evading me and it was the most amazing thing in my life.  When mom was sick, it was so helpful, I could express when I had to but I could also escape into a different world, one with melodies and harmonies instead of pain and sickness and death.  

I don't have the will to keep moving or writing.

When the joy stops outweighing the sorrow, I don't know what to do.