Let it Be, You Can't Make it Come or Go

*I am pretty much typing what I'm thinking, so deal with it.

An old lady told me yesterday that I could make my way through life on my smile, wit, and looks.  It was an awkward moment to say the least.  Well she was 35, but still no thank you Cougar Town. 
I don't mean to sound full of myself, because that's just weird, but I have charmed my way through a few things.  I am a waiter at Jack Astor's, it's the way I get good tips.  A little smile can get you a long way. 

And it disturbs me how easy it would be to manipulate someone. I have talked my way out of trouble with teachers and into extension dates for assignments.  My parents tell me that I would make a great lawyer or politician because of the way that I convince people.  Hitler was a great politician.  But so was Mandela.  It just depends on how you use your gifts.

I don't want to charm my way through life.  It's probably easier than actually working for it all.  Sometimes it just gives you the edge to get what you need.  But I still want to deserve it, to have earned it. There is just a fine line between using it to your advantage and using it to take advantage.    

I feel like my writing doesn't leave an impact.  not like when I speak.  What I write may get me good marks in English, and it may get me hundreds of hits a week on this blog, but it's not influential.  

A lot of things have been handed to me in life.  It's never been a struggle.  Even when horrible things happen, it's like I get sympathy votes.  And it disgusts me.  People look at my past and feel bad for me, and then they see some potential that I don't and it's like they are expecting something great from me.  Like I'll rise from the sorrows into greatness. 
I don't know if I am supposed to use it, or not.  It was given to me when I would have preferred none of it, it has shaped who I am and I can't stop that.  I don't know if it is a gift or a test.  I don't know if I should actively pursue this or just let it be.  

People trust me. And there is a lot of responsibility that comes with that.  I just don't understand what I am supposed to do with it.
Someone, who I am not exactly fond of, told me this quote applied to my life.  I don't know if I agree.

But I think that it is clear that we can expect great things from you. After all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did great things. Terrible! Yes. But great.
-Mr. Ollivander, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.