#72

The weird part is, I really am alone now.  But I don't want to fix that because it would seem like I am betraying them. 

It's weird when all of a sudden the three people you tell everything to are gone.  When I had known you, Joshua, for 12 years, since kindergarten we had been friends.  And you were pretty much like family because you were there with me through everything. I went to your house when I was younger and mom was sick.  Your family was like my other family.  And I see them every now and again.  They are doing well. They miss you still.  You know something cool? No one is allowed to be number 72 on the soccer team anymore.We retired your number.

It was hard for me to understand that all of a sudden, one day you weren't there.  There were times not even so long ago when I saw something funny and I thought of texting you.  And as soon as I thought of texting you, I couldn't even get the thought through my head properly, and I remembered and I felt like an idiot because, you've gone away to a paradise I can only dream of.  Even after a year its hard to understand and to comprehend that you are actually are gone. It's like they say in the movies, I still feel like every time the door opens that it's you coming over to ask if I want to go play basketball.  Its not really fair how you spend 12 years getting deeper and deeper into my life, knowing pretty much everything and then all of a sudden you are ripped out of it.  It hurt, have you ever had a sliver? Imagine a sliver that is 12 years old and 2,000 times as big.  It hurts to pull it out.  But unlike the sliver where the pain eases after the yank, this one stings for years.  That was a bad comparison.

It's not normal to wake up one morning and not have you come over to swim in the pool or to get a text from you telling me to get on Halo.  You and Evan stopped showing up to go to the basement and work out to get jacked and impress our women.  We built up this friendship and the part that bothers me is that it took time to build and it took seconds for it to tear down.  

And just look what I was left with, three piles of broken down bricks and nothing to rebuild.

I felt like I was in a ghost town without you guys.

I'm just assuming that you are taking care of her. 
so, thanks.