These are all the things I am afraid to say aloud.
I am afraid of dying.
I am afraid of heaven.
I am afraid that people won't remember me there.
and that I won't remember them.
I am afraid of heaven.
I am afraid that people won't remember me there.
and that I won't remember them.
I am afraid that when I die, it will be just me and God and I won't be allowed any other contact. That he is really some sort of cult leader. I know it sounds stupid.
I am afraid of following blindly. I am afraid of these tests that God is putting me through as though it is some sort of initiation to a gang.
I don't like how he is taking away everything and still expecting me to follow him.
He wants us to choose to follow him but he doesn't make it easy.
He says that he loves us but he hurts us more than we could ever imagine.
It is like he is trying to make us turn away from him
It seems like he is hurting us only to make him feel important when he provides the comfort. He kills off the people we love and then as if that isn't a big enough power trip for him he tries to comfort us too. It seems two-faced.
It seems like he is hurting us only to make him feel important when he provides the comfort. He kills off the people we love and then as if that isn't a big enough power trip for him he tries to comfort us too. It seems two-faced.
He makes it so hard to trust him.
How often does he want us to prove our faith?
Or is he trying to see how long until we give up?How often does he want us to prove our faith?
Are those who trust in God really only the fools who haven't given up on the Devil in disguise?
Okay. So, I've been thinking about why God would just keep throwing so many bad things at people. Just, over and over and over again. And we blame God because everyone tells us that this is a test, God only gives us as much as we can handle, blah blah blah.
ReplyDeleteJob - he was an upstanding guy. He was nice, and Satan - not God - wiped everything out from under him. And God said to Satan - "Fine. You can throw things at Job, and spare him his life. But I know Job so well, and he's still going to love me even after all this happens." And Job has one moment of doubt, and God says, "JOB. I have done so many things for you, and around you, and I seriously just need you to trust me." And then, he gives Job everything back.
I mean, it's so hard when we're in the middle of everything, and we have self righteous people telling us that God's just giving this to us because we can handle it. And maybe, this is just Satan's way of trying to prove God wrong. That Satan has picked people out of the world as Job's - people who faithfully serve God - , and maybe we're two of those people, who watch precious things and people being ripped away from us, and finally, we're screaming at God for answers.
If God created the world for good, and Satan worked from the very beginning to turn it to evil; then couldn't it be that God created us for good and see's the good in us, but Satan's working to turn that good to evil?
I dunno.