And what? Do you think that if I yell it will actually make anything better? Do you think that if I stand there, just inches from the other face and I scream obscenities at them while letting my hands fly animatedly that it will actually make anything better? The silence is killing me, the conversations I can't keep up bore me, yelling and fighting just makes me angry. There is no way for me to communicate with the world. There is no way to get thoughts out because I have closed myself off to the world.
I'm used to death. I'm used to being tired and bloody.
I'm used to death. I'm used to being tired and bloody.
Making every kind of silence, it takes a lot to realize
It's worse to finish than to start all over and never let it lie
And as long as I can feel someone holding on
I'm not alive if I'm lonely, so please don't leave.
Hedley-Perfect
This isn't what I want, but I'll take the high road. Maybe it's because I look at everything as a lesson, or I don't want to walk around angry. Or maybe it's because I finally understand. There are things we don't want to happen, but have to accept; things we don't want to know, but have to learn, and people we can't live without, but have to let go.
-AJ Cook
I need a break. I started exams on Friday, I finished today.
Next week, Australia. Me and Paul. That break will do.
Next week, Australia. Me and Paul. That break will do.
Paul's an exception to what I said above, he and I can talk.
Okay, so I don't know exactly how you feel. This whole death thing is really new to me. And dealing with two of them in the last few weeks has been really new. We all have different experiences, but I know your hatred for talking to people. I avoid people because I just can't handle talking to them. I don't go to school because I hate everyone giving me condolences and reminding me that I'm down two grandparents. Does it ever get better? It has to get better, right? Because I'm not going to lie, I am so numb to everything and I hate talking to people and I feed off of people and their energy. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't cry. I laugh only sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to Florida in a week. That's my break. Maybe we won't want to push everyone away when we come back from our trips.
I'm praying for you buddy. I truly hope that everything gets a little better. (And I hate saying that, because I know I hate people saying that. But God has fantastic plans for us. He just hides them super well sometimes, because He's a trickster like that. He has a hope and a future for us, and it'll be much better than our past. I hope.)